Why Are You So Happy?

When he walked into Cocina Taco, I saw his usual smile from across the room. Never mind that it was raining hard outside, and he looked like he parked a few blocks away. He waved, walked over to the table, took off his wet coat, and sat down. We hadn’t seen each other in a few years, and this had been our go-to meeting place.

“It’s great to be here again!” Robert said. “Free chips and the best pico.”

He asked me how my family and I were doing, and I did the same. “Wife and kids are great, pursuing their dreams. Dogs are getting along. Life is good!” he said.

“So how’s work going? Are you still with Rex-Tech?” I asked.

“No, haven’t been in a while. I’ve applied for a ton of jobs, had some final interviews, tried a few other business options, but nothing has materialized yet. I pretty much stay home and take care of the house and family. Well, not financially, but the rest of it.”

That sounded tough. He was used to being the main breadwinner in a two-income family.

“How long has it been?”

“About three years. Are you having that famous Burro Burrito again?” He was excited about the menu. Really.

“Yes, you know me,” I said. No income for three years…how does that work? He seemed so happy. Too happy, considering that news.

The food arrived. My burrito, his fish tacos. He loved hot sauce more than the free chips. We dug in.

Robert reached for more hot sauce. “It’s sort of a blessing and a curse. I feel like I should be more unhappy or depressed, but I’m not. This is how my life is right now. Am I trying to change it? Sure! But I can’t let it drag me down. That doesn’t help me, or the people I love.”

Was he burying his emotions, or what? I get upset when my coffee doesn’t taste right, or my baseball team loses a game. Robert is long-term unemployed and somehow ok with it?

“I wake up most days and feel good. I have food, shelter, clothing. We’re far from destitute. But I do have my days, usually moments, where I think about how far away my goals are. Is this really ‘God’s plan’ for me? Worrying about it all hasn’t helped much. So I keep at it.”

“Ok, so what helps?” I asked.

“Walking the dogs, sleeping well, and helping my wife and kids live their best lives. I realized a few years ago that this is my purpose,” he said. “And I love it.”

“Man, so long without income, and you’ve tried a few different avenues with little luck. Yet you keep going, and don’t seem too down about it all. How do you do it? Books, podcasts, webinars?”

“Good question,” he said. “I’ve never tried any of that stuff. I question myself every day. Why would I be ok with all of this? Well, I’m not ok with all of it. I just don’t want to let it impact other people’s dreams, and I like life happy versus unhappy.”

“So it’s a choice, then?” I asked. “You get up each day, face the world, and just decide ‘I am going to be happy,’ and that works?”

“Yep. Well, sort of. I don’t use the word ‘happy.’ I use ‘grateful.’ I practice gratitude every morning and right before bedtime. That works most days.”

As we finished our lunch, I asked Robert what the rest of the day looked like for him.

“Busy! I have to bake some bread, prep for dinner, and then get the dogs out for their daily walk. Hopefully the rain stops.”